can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
