when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are we still banned from the library?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
