So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
