Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
