you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
