i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
