"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
