i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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