Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
