You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
