plz talk dirty to me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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