I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
