whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
