i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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