found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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