I smell stomach acid.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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