if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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