We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
