Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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