He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
