tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
