Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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