i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
