He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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