Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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