I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
