Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
