We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
