LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
