So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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