this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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