Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
