i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
