that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
