i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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