i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
