this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
