all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
