dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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