so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
