I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
