so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
