i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm really busy with my period
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