So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
