i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
