it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
