When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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