also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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