but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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