I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
