Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
