My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
