1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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