my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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