I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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