Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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