So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
