I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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