she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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