May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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