I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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