No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just pee around me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
