I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
