I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
