So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
