I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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