Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
