Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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