I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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