it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
