you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
