I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
