Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
