just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
