no, he came in my armpit
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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