Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
