You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
