Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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